Amy Middleton Loves New York

I can’t believe it has taken me so long to realize the root of this issue, but here we are.

For years (at this point we’re talking decades) I’ve heard guys complain that if women are not interested, they should say so and not just go out with them to be nice. This may be unique to the LDS dating world, I don’t know, and that’s not the point. The point is that for years I sympathized with the plight of men who were being toyed with by women too cowardly to be honest. Even though I hate saying I’m not interested, I somehow bought into this idea that it’s the right and decent thing to do.

So here’s my realization: men want to know if women are interested, but that’s not what they’re asking. That puts an unfair burden on the woman, requiring her to interpret the intention of the invitation and then respond to it as if something else had been asked. If you want to know if she’s interested in you romantically, ask her whether she is, not whether she wants to go see Toy Story 3. Men can’t hide behind “the code” and call women out for playing the same game. If you want a more direct answer, ask a more direct question. Thank you and good night.

So I’m a little tired and I’ve just been blog stalking (something I actually RARELY do) amber due to her sis posting a link as her gchat status. I told Becca I’d probably blog a lot more if our communication were limited to blog form. Then I realized that I’m increasingly wanting to post gchat conversations I have as quotes on the quote wall, so I thought, maybe I should just blog them.

Then I tried logging into my account. I can never remember the URL to my site. But at least once I get there I can remember the password pretty easily. You could probably guess it. I hope you do. Then you could update my site and I’d have more content without additional work. Seems like a good plan.

Here is my conversation with Becca that I liked:

becca: and i was going to go to bed an hour ago
and i keep putting my laundry on my bed in the hopes that i will fold it, but all that happens is i move it every night onto my chair
when i even make it into my bed

me: haha
yeah my bed has no sheets on it
and i’m on the couch

Becca: i want orange juice bad right now
me too

me: knowing i should brush the candy cane jojos off my teeth

Becca: oh it’s like we’re in new york again
meh

me: but seriously just lying here
you have perfect teeth
my teeth are like enamel coated cavities

Becca: oh yeah, you have regular teeth
ok seriously i really really really need to sleep now
good night

me: night

Becca: awesome
the beatles just wished me good night
i can hear ringo in my head
singing thtat ridiculous song

Ever since maybe Junior High, and up until quite recently, I’ve had a complex about my hands. What changed this, interestingly enough, was the mere process of writing out my frustration. Based on the obscure reference, I’m imaging this was in response to having watched a Kaki King TED talk.
September 26, 2009:

I am embarrassed by my childlike hands. It works for Kaki King, but I’ll never release a guitar album, and I wouldn’t have appeared in August Rush even if I had her talent. When I picture the better version of me she is always more defined with higher cheek bones, a longer neck, and of course hands that don’t belong on the body of an eleven year old. How easily I overlook all that I accomplish with these perfectly functioning fingers that can type like crazy, convert the images in my head to paper or screen, button the hardest button to button, turn the pages of a book, dial, text, touch, plant, hold, and even play easy guitar.

That was all it took. I am so grateful now when I think of my hands. And in the process of registering for (spoiler alert!) massage school, it’s something that I return to. The ability to comfort and heal through touch comes not from having perfect hands but from intuition–from discerning and responding to what is needed. And as I think of what it means to be Christ’s hands, it is tragic for me to think of how easily and often I allowed myself to place form above function, focused on an idealized version of what hands should “look like,” divorced from what hands should do.

Just as a warning, I’m more upset about this than I should be. Upset enough to post something to my blog, which apparently I have not done since Februrary. At any rate, when I was driving home today, I saw this ad for vitamin water. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but the point was that it was zero calories, and Ellen Degeneres liked it.

I like Ellen, and despite what I’m about to say, I like things that taste good. But you know what you should be drinking if you want a liquid that has zero calories? Answer: Water. You know what you should do if you think water doesn’t taste good? Answer: Stop eating so much sweetened crap that the taste of water is somehow offensive to you.

Water is not my favorite beverage, but it’s the stuff our bodies need to run well. The solution to ingesting so much chemically altered artificially flavored products that we are not interested in water is *not* to find a water replacement. It’s to rethink our diet.

Manhattan operates on its own time-space continuum. Here is my guide to help travelers get from JFK to Manhattan. The best travel method for you depends on what is most important: time, cost, or convenience:

time + convenience: cab or car service

http://www.jfkairportguide.com/jfk-taxi.html
$45 + tolls and tip, car services can be negotiated at the airport but will be similar in price.
Considerations: most expensive option, but you’ll go straight to your destination with minimal stops. Up to 4 passengers.
Instructions: Go to ground transportation and grab a cab or car.
Total Time: 30 - 60 minutes (depending on traffic and destination)
Total Cost: about $55

time + cost: LIRR

http://www.mta.info/mta/airtrain.htm
(note: I’ve never done this, but it is a very quick and reliable option.)
Considerations: Involves transfers (bad for luggage) and ability to find one’s way (bad for visitors).
Instructions: Use HopStop to plan your trip in advance. Follow transportation signs to AirTrain. Take AirTrain to Station D (Jamaica) depending on where you are going. You will buy a $5 ticket AFTER you leave the AirTrain. Follow signs to LIRR. Take LIRR to Penn Station. Transfer from Penn to Subway if necessary.
Total Time: 35 - 60 minutes (depending on destination)
Total Cost: $13 - $15.25 per person

cost + convenience: shuttle

http://www.jfkairportguide.com/jfk-shuttle-information.html
Considerations: Expect to share the van with up to 10 other passengers. Arrival time is very unpredictable as a result. If you have luggage and time on your side, this is a reasonable option.
Instructions: Follow signs to Ground Transportation. Ask for the super shuttle. You can also book in advance on their site: http://www.supershuttle.com
Total Time: 30 min - 180 minutes (depending on traffic and which stop you are)
Total Cost: $23 + tip, $10 for additional passengers.

cost: subway

http://www.mta.info/mta/airtrain.htm
Considerations: You will probably have to use stairs and carry your luggage an uncomfortable distance. You will have to ask people to help you get to where you are going.
Instructions: Use HopStop to plan your trip in advance. Follow transportation signs to Air Train. Take Air Train to Station A (Howard Beach) or D (Jamaica) depending on where you are going. You will buy a $5 ticket AFTER you leave the Air Train. Follow signs to Subway. Buy a Subway ticket if necessary. Take E train to Manhattan. Transfer where HopStop tells you to transfer.
Total Time: 80 - 120 minutes (depending on delays and transfers)
Total Cost: $7.25

learn to walk on hands.
convince seth i’ve won the donut abstinence contest.
quit or get fired.
acquire a crocheted cap with a flower.
update blog. check.

Recently I decided to try a raw foods diet. Mainly because it scares me. As a long-time vegetarian and a lover of butter, chocolate, and lentils, I wasn’t quite sure what I would eat if I eliminated not only dairy and eggs, but also grains and anything… you know, cooked. If you take my normal diet and remove anything that is not a raw fruit or vegetable, you aren’t left with enough to subsist on. Which is exactly the challenge: I wanted to re-think my approach to raw the same way I encourage meat eaters to re-think their approach to vegetarian. It’s not just about omitting, but replacing, discovering, and enjoying.

I will tell you some sites that I’ve found helpful: Kristen Suzanne’s Kristens Raw and Esme Stevens’ The Best of Raw Food. Mostly I’ve been having smoothies and juices, and I’m introducing new foods to my diet and magic bullet.

Here’s the tally so far, after about a week and a half of being mostly (not completely) raw, but avoiding refined sugar completely:

• I already have lost a craving for processed foods. Bananas seem overly sweet to me.
• With a few notable exceptions, I can enjoy almost anything I make in the magic bullet. Kale, spinach, and carrot smoothie? Bring it on. I don’t love eating salads but I really don’t have a problem with liquefied veggies.
• I had faux oatmeal yesterday that left me happy all morning. Banana, apples, flax seed, and cinnamon- it was delicious.

Today I made this salad.
I call it antipasta salad. Here is my recipe:
1 zucchini squash
1 roma tomato
some pinenuts
some hemp seeds
a splash of oil and vinegar

I shredded the zucchini using some sort of device that just happened to exist in this kitchen of dreams where I live. I was expecting it to taste slightly unpleasant, which is why I went heavy on the nuts and oils. But it was absolutely great and I was wishing for more of the zucchini. Next time I might just eat it plain.

Also of note: I was just looking back at some old posts and I saw this from 2005. I had forgotten what a deliberate goal it had been of mine to learn to prepare food. It’s all the more satisfying to remember, and motivation to continue.

I got an email from Food Democracy Now asking me to join their petition to “tell the FDA and the USDA that Froot Loops® is NOT a Smart Choice for our children.” I certainly agree with what they are saying, but I don’t know that I want the FDA giving the thumbs up or down to every label out there. Mainly because I don’t think we should place credibility or confidence in any processed food that could keep the label. I don’t want to give the FDA–susceptible as it is to lobbying, biases, human error, and general non-omniscience–the power of judicial review to be saying that Twix is not a smart choice but Twix in a 100 calorie package is.

The Smart Choices Program website states:
Because shoppers are often strapped for time and need to make choices quickly, the Smart Choices Program provides at-a-glance information on the front of the package. This includes: A symbol to help you make smarter food and beverage choices within product categories.

Here’s what Dr Eileen T. Kennedy, president of the Smart Choices board, had to say about the checkmark in this NY Times article:

“The checkmark means the food item is a ‘better for you’ product, as opposed to having an x on it saying ‘Don’t eat this,’ ” Dr. Kennedy said. “Consumers are smart enough to deduce that if it doesn’t have the checkmark, by implication it’s not a ‘better for you’ product. They want to have a choice. They don’t want to be told ‘You must do this.’ ”

Dr. Kennedy, who is not paid for her work on the program, defended the products endorsed by the program, including sweet cereals. She said Froot Loops was better than other things parents could choose for their children.

“You’re rushing around, you’re trying to think about healthy eating for your kids and you have a choice between a doughnut and a cereal,” Dr. Kennedy said, evoking a hypothetical parent in the supermarket. “So Froot Loops is a better choice.”

So, to review, Froot Loops is a better choice WHEN COMPARED TO A DOUGHNUT. That’s amazingly helpful. When I lived in Belize, the women I knew there thought it was ok to fill baby bottles with Coke. The argument could certainly be made that it’s better than alcohol. You can always find something worse than what you’re doing, but that has no bearing on whether what you are doing is indeed “smart.”

However, if we as rushed consumers deserve to be making informed choices, and the clearly subjective checkmark system works, I have a suggestion to make it even more informative: put a graphic of the food it is better than next to the check. A box of cereal would have a picture of a doughnut so that those consumers can feel good about their decision to not start the day off with a greasy pastry. A doughnut could come in a box with a picture of, say, a dozen doughnuts. Or a turducken. The turducken could have an image of lead paint. And the lead paint stands alone.

The Smart Choices Program website also felt it important to include this kid cereal endorsement:

On average, only about 5% of the sugar consumed by U.S. children comes from ready-to-eat cereals, according to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey. Pre-sweetened cereals have been demonstrated to be a good source of vitamins and minerals for children. Studies around the globe have consistently shown that kids who eat breakfast have more physical and mental energy than those who do not. Cereal eaters are also more likely to have healthier body weights and greater vitamin and mineral intakes.

Again, it is significant to note what is being compared here. First, sugar cereal is compared to a poor national diet so full of bad food choices that it is only 5% of the problem. Nice work, America. Next, it is compared to a meal plan in which breakfast is not served. So basically eating is better for you than not eating, and if your kid has juvenile diabetes anyway, better to give him Count Chocula than a bowl of corn syrup and a can of Mountain Dew.

I’m not a perfect eater- I’ve had doughnuts for breakfast before and that’s not the worst decision I’ve ever made. A lot of us knowingly choose to be unhealthy, and I wish it weren’t so convenient or casual to do that, but that’s what we’re up against. My concern is that so many people don’t know. We are misled by claims, sponsored research, inaccurate reporting, and a false belief that if something were bad for us, the FDA would intervene and stop it. Froot Loops may not be the leading cause of obesity, but if we’re being told it’s a smart choice, we deserve to know, right on that same label: compared to what?

I’m sitting in the quiet, spacious living room of a San Diego farm house. I hear the cars pass by on the street. I hear the sound of roosters and crickets. I hear the mysterious noises of a rodent scurrying about. I hate that sound. But that’s what you get, I’m repeatedly told, when you live on a farm.

And guess what? I’ll take it!

With every day that I live in this gracious home of abundant plant and animal life, I become more convinced I don’t want to live anywhere else. Not for now, at least. Home ownership was a means to an end: the doorway to building a chicken coop and digging up the lawn to grow vegetables. But on this property where no grass grows, I have found all that I thought would make me happy. And so far, it does. And until I find the man who will build me a cob house, I’m more than content living here. Rent is affordable, roommates are fascinating, and there are nine chickens, several pullets, and many more chicks less than 100 feet from where I sit.

I’m looking around at houses which it turns out I can’t buy unless I have a W2 job. That’s one thing I wish I’d known before I moved to California. Sorry freelance life. Till we meet again.

But I still need a house so that I can have chickens. And I need chickens so I can feel like my life has meaning. You can see where this is going. I was chatting with Matt Cope the other day about house hunting and he told me:

Houses are like marriage. Don’t settle. The commitment is long, the price can be high. But if you love it (him) you will love every minute of it. And if you don’t the opposite happens.

Funny comparison to give to a girl who said goodbye to her twenties and is still single. I’m kind of the queen of not settling. I’m quite good at not committing; my problem is rarely that I don’t look before I leap. It’s that I look too long.

The beauty part about the internet is it makes it even easier to look. I can search a real estate site and quickly get the MLS or address of a property. Plug it into google, zoom in on the satellite map view, and a house that looked interesting is often removed from the list in the time it takes to see the actual size of the backyard.

Same story with my hunt for a W2 job.

Dear “fast growing retail company”:
You may be looking for an “energetic, proactive Web and Marketing Director who can make a positive impact,” but I just googled you and you don’t even have a website, and your average customer rating on city search is one star. I’m not going to pretend that anything I’d do for your marketing could save you from your lousy fulfillment and customer service. Good luck with that.

I appreciate being able to avoid rat holes by not committing to the “wrong” one, but I wonder if my reluctance to leap is getting me any farther. In my current frame of mind, I can see passing on life in its entirety: “The idea of choices and experience sounds good, but I looked into it and I’m not convinced it’s for me. I’m going to search for something that won’t involve dental work, msn adcenter, or Rod Stewart.”

There’s a lot of goodness in life and experiences that are missed if we insist on turning everything into a Dealbreakers Game, which I often do. And I realize that in the choices I’m trying to make right now, the stakes may be too high, but I wonder if it’s time to do the dumb things I gotta do. Touch the puppet head. And run with the consequences.